


epiphany

by rudderless in an ocean of stars (indelibly_ellie)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fix-It, and fic about, and neither did Kara, don't expect unicorns and rainbows, for giving us this new sweet queer child to love, for that horrible ending, if you don't want an angsty slow burn, lena is gay gay gay, like the rest of my stories, my little gaybies, seriously don't, so here we go, thank you katie mcgrath, that Lena didn't deserve, the resolution scene they should have had, this is realistic, turn your ass around right now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-09-03 05:39:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8699392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indelibly_ellie/pseuds/rudderless%20in%20an%20ocean%20of%20stars
Summary: Lena's just trying to drink away the day when she gets a not-so unexpected visitor on her roof.Post 2x08. Fix-it fic.Kind of.(Dec. 9, 2016- Chapter 8, part 2 posted.)





	1. i. in the aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena didn't deserve what they did to her in that episode.

There's a soft rustle of fabric and a slight breeze that ruffles Lena's hair when the caped heroine lands behind her on the roof of L-Corp. She doesn't bother turning to validate her suspicions- the sound of booted feet quietly approaching the edge that Lena has claimed alongside a bottle of scotch is enough confirmation for her.

 

Lena traces the rim of her half-empty glass with a finger, keeping her eyes firmly trained on the amber liquid within as Supergirl draws near. 

 

For a while, neither of them speak. But Lena's tongue has been loosened by one- _two? three?_ \- too many glasses of alcohol, and she can't stop herself from asking the question that's been burning at the back of her throat since their last- _disastrous_ \- meeting in the office just floors away from where they are now.

 

"Why?" 

 

"Why what?" Supergirl's voice wavers- even _feigning_ ignorance is hard for her.

 

_She would make a terrible liar_ , Lena notes, lifting the glass to her lips and draining its contents with a smooth twist of her wrist before setting it back down on the cool partition that serves as the only barrier between her and a _long_ fall down.

 

_(Lena would be **lying** if she said she had never considered how accidental a fall from here would seem like.)_

 

"Why do you have  _faith_ in me?" She turns to meet Supergirl's inquisitive gaze head-on, ignores the way her head spins at the sudden movement, and narrows her eyes at the girl of steel.

 

"I just do." She says it so strongly, so surely, as though her _opinion_ of Lena is _fact_ , and Lena can't help but _laugh_.

 

Lena _laughs_ , and Supergirl's confident stance falters- not by much, but just enough to let Lena know that she's slipped under her skin- her _unbreakable_ skin, impervious to everything, it seems, but the scorn of Lena's laughter.

 

"You don't even know me." Her tone is harsh, _biting_ , and at the sight of the _hurt_ that flashes in Supergirl's eyes, she knows she'll regret it in the morning, when she's sober enough to actually _feel_ something.

 

"But I-I _do_ ," Supergirl stammers- actually _stammers_ \- and somewhere in the half-functioning recesses of Lena's alcohol-numbed brain, something _clicks_.

 

It clicks because it's no longer Supergirl standing in front of her- it's _Kara_.

 

Kara, who she's developed a habit of meeting for coffee on Wednesdays to discuss her latest articles.

_"Has Snapper given you anything to write about that actually matters?" She smirks at the sight of the flush that immediately stains the other woman's skin, and takes another sip of her quickly cooling latte._

_They've been here for too long- Lena has missed at least one meeting today, but she's in no rush to leave._

_Not when Kara blushes so **prettily** and smiles so **easily** and Lena's heart skips a beat in her chest whenever she laughs and she finds herself **drowning** in the ocean blue of Kara's eyes more often than she'd like to **admit** -_

_Kara's indignant exclamation pulls her from her train of thought. "Hey! My first article was about **you**!" She says it with a pout that she can barely maintain, the corners of her lips already threatening to twitch upwards into a full-blown grin._

_"Fair enough," Lena concedes, motioning towards the untouched pastry on her plate. "Sticky bun?" She offers, knowing that Kara can never resist._

_(So what if Lena only buys one to shove towards Kara when she's finished hers? She's allergic to pecans anyway- but Kara doesn't have to know that.)_

 

Kara, whose hands are twitching at her sides as though she longs to adjust glasses that aren't _there_. 

 

Kara, who fidgets where she stands, far from Lena- _too far_ , Lena thinks, for her liking.

 

And she hates it, hates how they stand apart as though there is something between them and she knows exactly what it is- it's _Luthor_.

 

Her name, her birthright- her _burden_. 

 

And now it's Kara standing in front of her, unshed tears glimmering in the depths of her cerulean eyes, utterly oblivious to the epiphany that has just slammed into Lena with all the force of a two-ton brick.

 

It's _Kara_ \- but she's not supposed to know that. 

 

_(After the events of today, she doubts she will ever be trusted enough to be told.)_

 

So she does the one thing she knows how to do best. 

 

_(After all, it's been done to her by everyone who has ever mattered in her life. Lex, Lillian, Kara-_

_but Kara comes **back** , even after Lena pushes her away in her office, even after Lena turns the key as though she has every intention of murdering countless innocents, even after-)_

She shakes her head, pulling herself out of her thoughts, turns around-

 

-and walks _away_.

 

Shoulders stiff, chin up, movements almost robotic as she forces one foot in front of the other to take her away- away from Supergirl, away from _Kara_ , away from the memory of the pain in her eyes as Lena _laughs_ -

 

She doesn't look back.

 

_(She can't, because the moment she does, the moment she catches sight the abject despair she knows she's causing Kara with every step, she knows won't be able to keep walking.)_

And behind her, _quietly_ , too quietly for human ears to catch, Kara begins to _cry_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena didn't deserve what I just did to her either- but I couldn't help it. Sorry.
> 
> (I know I said fix-it, but really, I just broke them even more. Author's note at the end of the second chapter will explain. 'Fix-it' can mean many things. This is my definition- giving them an organic, realistic scene.)
> 
> Leave a review, house a displaced alien from a dead planet.


	2. ii. meetings missed and met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena in the aftermath of the rooftop scene.
> 
> Note: As per canon, Kara DID leave for Earth-1. Lena is unaware of this. 
> 
> MORE NOTE: Unless Kara has a Sudden Gay Realization™, (my money is on White Canary), the events of the crossover will have little to no effect on this work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first- welcome to my first entry for my personal Fic-A-Day Challenge! Raise your hands if you guessed right about which fic I said I would update! ;) shoutout to Tassi_Ki for correctly guessing! (And for the birthday fic she wrote for me- go check it out!)
> 
> Next- I'd just like to clarify some things with you guys.
> 
> But I'll put it at the end, because it's a bit of a doozy.
> 
> Also, it's my birthday. Thanks to everyone who wished me a 'happy birthday' today on Tumblr! You guys rock!
> 
> So, without further ado, here's my present to you. 
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to supercorpppp on Tumblr, who, without fail, always likes and/or reblogs and/or replies to each of my posts- even the silly ones. I see you. And I appreciate you. (And the birthday wishes.) <3

Wednesday afternoon rolls around, and Lena finds herself back at Noonan's, sitting at the table- _their_ table- tucked into a cozy corner near the back of the shop, far away from prying eyes and the glaring light streaming through the large windows at the front of the store.

 

She's not even sure Kara will show up- not after what happened between them on the roof.

 

Lena won't blame her if she doesn't.

 

Of course, Lena isn't supposed to know that it _was_ Kara, so she's not altogether sure what will happen today.

 

Uncertainty is not something that Lena is used to feeling- not as a Luthor.

 

It's a feeling she finds she doesn't particularly enjoy.

 

Minutes tick by, and Lena finds her gaze drawn to the seat across from her, the fluffy, mismatched chair that Kara always claimed for her own whenever she was able.

 

An untouched sticky bun rests beside her unfinished latte, its glaze beginning to harden into a cloudy film as it begins to cool.

 

No one comes to claim the empty chair, and Kara's absence begins to gnaw at her insides with a slow, throbbing pain that reminds Lena of the time she'd broken her arm as a child, slipping down the ornate staircase that wound its way down to the stately foyer of the Luthor estate.

 

She'd been too afraid to tell anyone, fearing her mother's wrath- Lionel was on a business trip in Europe, leaving Lillian the head of the household.

 

So she'd retreated into a musty closet in one of the unused rooms of the house, watched particles of dust float through the air, illuminated by the fading daylight streaming through the crack she'd left open between the wardrobe doors. She'd stayed there for hours, slowly regaining her composure as she became accustomed to the ache of what she would later discover was a compound fracture to the radius of her left arm.

 

The pain had become bearable then, with time.

 

She doubts that time will be able to do anything to alleviate the pain she feels _now_.

 

* * *

 

In less than twelve hours, Lillian Luthor will be moved to a cozy cell in Cell Block X right next to Lex's.

 

(Well, maybe not _next to_ next to, seeing as the government would probably want any and all sociopathic Luthor villains kept firmly  _away_ from each other, but probably within the same prison.)

 

All Lena has to do is wait it out, wait for her mother to vanish, to be taken to the secret location where Lex had made his new home in a black van full of black suits and black glares.

 

To be reunited with the prodigal son.

 

But there's a call from the police department that Jess reluctantly informs her of when she gets back to her office, wringing her hands as she delivers the news that Lillian Luthor is asking to see her _daughter_ , and Lena finds herself torn between a fresh bottle of scotch and one last mother-daughter visit.

 

Of course, she ends up choosing the _greater_ evil. 

 

Ten minutes later, she finds herself downtown, sitting across from her mother in an interrogation room. Lillian sits tall and proud, regal as ever, as though the shackles around her wrists and ankles are fancy baubles rather than chains.

 

The smile she levels at Lena as soon as she takes her place in the chair opposite of her mother's is nothing short of smug. Lillian nods towards the glass partition behind Lena, her catlike grin only stretching wider as she begins to speak. "I asked for some privacy, _dear_ ," her subtle emphasis on the word is laced with a scorn that Lena is intimately familiar with, "but I'm afraid that this meeting will have to be watched." 

 

"That's what happens when you try to commit genocide, _mother_."

 

_Two can play at this game._

 

"Now, now, Lena..." She tilts her head to the side, narrowing her gaze, lips pursed like a teacher about to reprimand a wayward student. "Can we really call it genocide? After all, the term 'genocide' implies the intentional killing of a certain group of _people_. Last time I checked, all I tried to do was rid this great city of an _alien pestilence_."

 

The corners of Lena's lips immediately turn downwards in a scowl. "And last time I checked, President Carter's Alien Amnesty Act granted beings of _all_ planets the same rights as any _human_."

 

Lillian shrugs, waves a cuffed hand dismissively, and the chains rattle against the steel table that separates them. "I'll admit, Lena... I didn't think you had it in you."

 

Lena's blood runs _cold_ , but her temper flares _hot_. "Well, mother, I was only doing what you've told me to do since I was a child," Lena explains, allowing the slightest hints of mockery to slip into her tone as she leans back in her seat, crossing her legs and folding her arms in a perfect imitation of her mother's stance.

 

"And what's that?"

 

"Be a Luthor," Lena explains airily, as though her confession was the easiest thing in the world for her to say. (It isn't, but that's none of her mother's business.) "That's what we do, _right_? Hurt the people closest to us? Break the hearts of the ones we love? Or _claim_ to love, in your case." Their eyes meet, and Lillian finds Lena's gaze frigid and filled- _finally_ \- with quiet understanding and newfound acceptance.

 

"What do you _want_ , Lena? I know you aren't here to rub this-" she shakes her manacled arms for emphasis, but Lena doesn't flinch- "in my face. You're here for something."

 

"Mmm, right about your daughter for the _first_ time- I _do_ want something. And you're gonna give it to me."

 

Lillian moves to speak, but Lena cuts her off before she can even open her mouth. "I want you tell me what you did to Supergirl. I know you kidnapped her. I know you _hurt_ her. I just need to know _how_."

 

She scoffs, eyes widening in mild disbelief as she regards her daughter with open disdain. "And what makes you think I'll tell you that?"

 

Lena's stare- if _possible_ \- turns _colder_.

  
_Arctic_.

 

"For once, mother," Lena begins, her stare unflinching, her verdant eyes unyielding, "you _don't_ want to test me on this. I'll-" 

 

"What? Hmm? What are _you_ going to do to _me_?" Lillian demands, her voice a low growl as she leans forward, scorn all but dripping from her words.

 

Lena stops, jerks back as though physically _struck_ , her rigid demeanor appearing to shatter as the resolve glimmering in her eyes seems to crumble, and then-

 

Then she _laughs_.

 

She _laughs_ , and the sound is _cruel_ and _terrible_ and cuts through to the _bone_.

 

Lillian works hard to suppress a shiver at the sound.

 

"I'm a _Luthor_ , mother," Lena spits, teeth bared in a feral semblance of a smile, eyes wild with dark mirth as she relaxes, limbs loosening with a dangerous, downright _eerie_ confidence. "We're capable of anything. What do you _think_ I'll do?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, dark!Lena is certainly a refreshing change of pace, isn't she?
> 
> Okay, I mentioned at the top that I had something to say. Here it is:
> 
> When I said 'fix-it fic' in the story summary, I immediately followed with 'kind of.' So lemme explain-
> 
> I labeled this as a 'fix-it fic' for many different reasons. One of them being the lack of resolution that the episode had for Lena's story arc and how this was supposed to remedy that.
> 
> I made it sad and angsty and didn't have a happy ending because it had to be. After everything that happened in the episode, there was really no way for me to write something realistic- something that I could be proud of- and have it end with fireworks and SuperCorp kisses. Did I want to? Of course. After that episode, who wouldn't?
> 
> But- and here is where it gets a little subjective- it would be a disservice to not only the show, but to the characters. It wouldn't be fair to have you, my lovely readers, read something that I didn't write to the best of my ability. Did I want them to immediately make up? (And subsequently start making out?) Yes. 110% yes. But did I write it that way? Unfortunately, no.
> 
> And there's a lesson to be learned from that. Actions have consequences, and it's no exception for these characters. The events in this episode will have very real repercussions on the dynamics between the characters- at least, here, in this story, they will. I'm not sure about the show, but here, it wouldn't be fair of me to discard what happened and ignore the way it would realistically affect them all.
> 
> Did the previous chapter 'fix' their relationship? No. Of course not. But what it did 'fix'- what I intended it to fix- was the the utter lack of a final scene between the pair before Kara dimension-hopped into Earth-1. So I labeled it a 'Fix-it fic. Kind of."
> 
> If you don't want to keep reading, that's 100% fine with me. But I'll still be continuing this story either way, and continue to do my best to portray the characters and their various struggles and developments as realistically and organically as I can.
> 
> This is not directed towards anyone- I just felt like I owed pretty much everyone an explanation. Don't be salty. Don't get butthurt. xoxo
> 
> Leave a review, house a displaced alien from a dead planet.


	3. iii. aftershocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Direct continuation of the last scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Day 2 submission for the Fic-A-Day Challenge.
> 
>  
> 
> Dedicated to Annien, who, without fail, never ceases to leave jaw-droppingly detailed reviews on my work.

For several moments, silence reigns over the interrogation room as Lillian steels herself against Lena's piercing stare.

 

She waits, an expectant smirk teasing the corners of her lips as she regards her mother with an unsettling aura of absolute _calm_.

 

Lillian relents with a sigh she pushes out through gritted teeth, eyes glittering with barely disguised rage. "You said it yourself, Lena. You're a _Luthor_. You should know where to look." 

 

Malevolent satisfaction gleams in the depths of the wide grin Lena levels in Lillian's direction as she stands and tilts her head in assent. "Thanks, _mom_. This was nice," she allows herself a soft chuckle as she starts to back away from the table, "We should do it again sometime- that is, if you're not too busy kissing Lex's wounded vanity over at Cell Block X."

 

Lillian stiffens in her seat, nostrils flaring as she tightens already clenched fists.

 

Lena pouts at the sight, jutting out her bottom lip in mocking parody of apology. "Aw, did I strike a nerve?" She shrugs, dropping the exaggerated expression as she drapes her coat over her arm, "Y'know, at this point, they really ought to rename whatever wing they throw the pair of you into. 'Luthor' has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

 

Lillian growls. "Get _out_."

 

"What, no 'goodbye'? _Tsk_. Well, I should be used to it by _now_." And with a last, mocking wave, Lena turns her back on her mother and begins to _leave_ , something shifting within her with every step.

 

It is old and _unhealed_ , heavy with the weight of the past, raw as the day it began to take root in the dark spaces between her _bones_ , and-

 

-it is _lifting_.

 

Lillian glares at her retreating figure all the way to the door.

 

"See you around, _mom_ ," she calls over her shoulder as it swings shut behind her, relishing the simple joy of finally being able to _breathe_ again.

 

It doesn't last long.

 

* * *

 

She finds what she's looking for with relative ease- Lex's private server was still functional, and it had taken Lena a grand total of _one_ try to sift through its contents and locate her mother's buried CADMUS files, including the footage of Supergirl's kidnapping and whatever else had been done to her. Supergirl hadn't elaborated, but Lena knew enough about CADMUS- and Lillian- to realize that something had _happened_ while the girl of steel had been in her mother's clutches.

 

In hindsight, visiting her mother to glean the location of the files was unnecessary- had she not been so busy wallowing in her own self-pity, she could have found them on her own. But Kara's notable absence at the coffee shop had left her shaken, unable to see clearly through the haze of tears that had threatened to blind her as she left Noonan's, let alone _think_ clearly.

 

Alone in her office, Lena stares at the brightly lit screen of her computer, biting down onto her lower lip as she contemplates playing the security footage from the now-abandoned CADMUS facility where Supergirl had been taken. The cursor hovers over the video files, blinking softly. Whatever's on here isn't going to be pretty- she knows that much. 

 

But this is something she has to do. Something she _needs_ to do. Doesn't she owe it to Kara to at least be _aware_ of the full extent of her family's sins towards her?

 

Doesn't she deserve to know how much more she has to atone for under the name of _Luthor_?

 

Lena blinks, letting out a weary sigh as she moves her chair closer to her desk, and presses the button. Video playback begins almost instantly, and Lena begins to _watch_.

 

She watches Kara strain against the bars of her cell, hissing at Lillian, furious-

 

_Does Lena know about CADMUS? Does she know who her mother really is?_

 

Lena grimaces in her seat, thoughts flashing back to Kara's half-hearted attempts to ask questions about her mother in the name of an article Lena now knows was never even _published_ , let alone _assigned_. From behind the monitor, Lena closes her hands into fists, nails digging deep into the flesh of her palms as she watches the scene unfold before her.

 

Watches Kara scream right before she collapses, shaking under the strain of blowing out her powers.

 

Watches her _fall_ as soon as the helmet is lifted away.

 

Watches Lillian drag her up using a fistful of golden hair and slam her down with a backhand that makes her _bleed_.

 

(Lena winces at this, knowing just how _hard_ Lillian's blows can be and-)

 

Watches the guards drag Kara from the room and down the hall, too weak to fight back.

 

Too weak to _stand_.

 

_What are you going to do to me?_

 

Kara's words are slurred, breath hitching, and Lena finds her own lungs struggling to pull in air as the playback continues on her screen.

 

Watches them lower her into the chair none too gently, watches them fasten her limbs down with restraints they jerk too tightly-

 

Watches her mother extract vial after vial of _blood_ until Kara is pale and trembling, her mumbled protests drifting off as her attempts to struggle grow fainter and fainter until _finally_ , she stills, eyes glazing over with sheer exhaustion.

 

Lena stops watching.

 

She flees, leaving her office with final, rushed instructions to Jess to cancel the rest of the day's appointments, and finds herself en route to the one place she ~~hopes~~ _knows_ will be able to erase the images that cycle through her mind on an endless loop.

 

Lena stops _watching_ -

 

_What are you to my daughter?_

_(Kara doesn't hesitate, Kara doesn't hesitate, Kara doesn't **hesitate** -)_

_I'm a friend._

 

-and Lena starts _drinking_.

 

The liquor makes its way down her throat with a burn that she _relishes_ , a slow warmth building in the pit of her stomach with every sip of the expensive scotch that she buys a bottle of outright, a purchase she soon decides to be worth every last dime.

 

The world around her begins to take on a rosy glow as the edges of her vision begin to soften, the pain of the past twenty-four hours soothed by the numbing effects of the amber liquid that she pours herself yet _another_ glass of, staunchly ignoring the tiny voice in her head that tells her _this is not a good idea._

 

The voice sounds far too much like _Kara_ for her to accept _without_ the aid of alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Facts:
> 
> 1) Dark!Lena is sexy.
> 
> 2) Dark!Lena takes no prisoners.
> 
> 3) Dark!Lena does not equal Evil!Lena (I know a few of you were worried, lol.)
> 
> Lena acts the way she does with her mother because she prefers to fight fire with fire- I'm sure you probably noticed this on the show as well. During her scenes with Lillian, she acted excessively sarcastic and cold. Here we take it to new levels because- why not? Lena's pissed as hell and hurting. If the last living family member I had left was arrested after trying to commit genocide- arrested by cops that I had to be the one to call- I'd be snarky as hell too.
> 
> Lena's also a fucking glutton for self-hatred. My lil smol bean has a bit of a drinking problem. (I wonder who else she shares that trait with, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm | #is this foreshadowing? #maybe #does it count as foreshadowing if it's not technically part of the story?)
> 
> Leave a review, house a displaced alien from a dead planet.
> 
> (Leave a review, adopt Lena Luthor from parents who 12/10 don't deserve this precious sticky bun.)


	4. iv. fracture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of Lena's Adventures with Alcohol™.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Sara, in response to her review of the last chapter. Congrats, you guessed correctly. I wasn't fucking with you. (At least, not about that...) ;) 
> 
> *cue evil laughter*

Lena's just begun to head for the exit when the floor decides to shift beneath her feet, sending her stumbling into something sturdy and solid and _talking_.

 

_Whoops_.

 

Strong hands on her shoulders keep her standing, but the world still spins around her at sickening speed. "Whoa there, you're okay, you're- _L-lena_?!" Pure disbelief colors her victim's tone.

 

Lena peers up at the person keeping her upright through bleary eyes. Dimly, in the back of her mind, recognition flashes. "Aleeeeeex," she slurs, "Big Danvers. Good to see you."

 

Alex blinks, mouth opening and closing several times before she can respond. "I, uh, yeah... It's good to see you too, Lena."

 

If Lena were a little more sober, she would have seen something almost akin to guilt gleaming in Alex's warm eyes. The older Danvers sister drops her hands away from Lena's skin and steps back, a tight smile gracing her features. "What are you doing here?"

 

Lena motions back towards the bar, shooting a dark look at the bartender, who frowns back in response. "Apparently, I'm leaving."

 

"Cut her off after she tried to polish off an entire bottle of scotch alone," He explains, lifting a half-empty bottle for emphasis. "She bought it, so she can come back for it in the morning- if she doesn't die of alcohol poisoning in the meantime."

 

"Got it." Brows inching closer and closer to her hairline, Alex turns back to Lena, careful to keep her tone light despite the sudden montage of resurfacing memories of the times when _she_ was the one being kicked out of bars. "Let's get you home, okay? Where's your car? Or your driver? Or whatever it is CEOs of multi-billion-dollar companies like you use to get around?"

 

Lena stumbles towards the door with a laugh. "Sent them home as soon as I got here. I may be a Luthor, but I'd like to think I'm still a decent boss."

 

"Uh, I bet you are." Alex flashes an apologetic smile at the bartender before hurrying after the other woman, taking her by the elbow and gently nudging her through the doors.

 

Kara had told her- with _tears_ slipping down her cheeks- about her last meeting with Lena, and the bottle of scotch that had been with her that night. Alex can't help but wonder if Lena's got the same kind of predilection for blackout drinking that had characterized her own early college years.

 

The cold air cuts through some of the fog clouding Lena's mind- and her tongue. "You don't need to babysit me, Danvers. I can make it home by myself."

 

Alex resists the urge to scoff as she steers Lena away from the curb that she comes dangerously close to falling off the edge of- it wouldn't have been a long fall, not physically. But for her pride? Oh, Alex was _already_ beginning to regret her decision to save Lena from falling on her ass. "Yeah- but I don't think Kara would forgive me if I just left you like this."

 

She tenses beneath Alex's grip, and Alex glances sideways just in time to catch Lena wince at the mention of her sister. "Yeah, well, I don't think Kara would care either way. Not anymore."

 

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

 

Lena shrugs, tossing her hair, firmly avoiding Alex's gaze. "Nothing."

 

" _Lena_." Alex pulls out her trademark 'Agent Danvers' glare, the one known for cowing newbie agents in _seconds_ , even inducing _tears_ on one spectacular occasion.

 

She wrenches her arm free from Alex's hand and leans against the closest building, closing her eyes in an effort to hide their sudden wetness. "She didn't show up for coffee today. After what happened- with me dodging her questions about my mother, and my mother trying to murder the entire alien population of National City, well-" Lena blows out a breath and shakes her head. "It's no wonder she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore."

 

_They have coffee? **Together**? Since **when**?_

 

Alex works hard to sound neutral, silently vowing to grill Kara for details as soon as she got back from helping the Flash. "Lena, Kara's just out of town, helping a friend. She probably just got too caught up to cancel."

 

After all, she'd been too caught up to even leave more notice than a sticky note taped to her fridge about dimension-hopping to another _Earth_.

 

"Tell you what- you're too drunk for me to just dump on some poor, unsuspecting doorman at whatever high-rise you're staying at, no matter how well-paid."

 

Lena cracks open an eye and chuckles, her smile _wicked_. "I'm not sure about that- they're  _very_ well-paid."

 

Alex rolls her eyes and drags Lena away from the brick wall she's been resting on. "Mmm, I'll bet. Still, Kara's place is just a few blocks from here, and that's just about as long as I think I can manage herding a drunken CEO."

 

"Kara's place? Wha- _why_? You said she was out of town!" Lena blanches, spluttering, glaring at the hand firmly fastened around her wrist that continues to pull her forward despite her attempts to resist.

 

Alex laughs, and Lena shoots her a dirty look. "She is. I'm house-sitting. After all, she has actual plants that need to be watered. I don't."

 

Lena huffs, jamming her free hand into the pocket of her coat as the wind picks up, sending shivers down her spine. "You could just call for backup, _Agent_ Danvers."

 

"Seeing as you're not an alien menace, I don't think my boss would appreciate that phone call." Alex scrutinizes her new charge with something akin to amusement glittering in her eyes.

 

Yeah, J'onn would definitely hate to be on the receiving end of _that_ SOS.

 

* * *

 

Ten minutes later, Alex slams the door to Kara's apartment shut, _seriously_ questioning her sister's sanity- and her tendency for making friends with semi-alcoholic business moguls with sharp tongues and _far_ too much spare time on their hands.

 

Lena's given Alex more trouble just getting her _up the stairs_ than she's had getting _fire-breathing_ aliens safely into containment. With _horns_.

 

She's sprawled across the couch that's usually reserved for _Alex_ , who glowers from the kitchen as she grabs a glass from the cabinet and fills it up from the tap. Alex makes her way to the living room with a long-suffering sigh. All she'd wanted was a quiet night of drinking before crashing at Kara's place. _Was that really too much to ask for?_ "Here. Drink this. It won't keep you from feeling whatever massive hangover is going to whoop your ass tomorrow, but it should help."

 

Lena sits up- _too fast_ , her brain moans, and the world begins to turn on its axis as she fumbles for the glass she grudgingly accepts. "Thanks."

 

"You'll need it." Alex calls back over her shoulder as she heads for Kara's room to pick out some clothes. One over-sized college t-shirt and a pair of _Doctor Who_ -themed pajama bottoms later, Alex returns, brandishing the garments with a triumphant smile. "You can change into this," she offers, tossing the clothes towards Lena, who appears a bit more alert after polishing off the glass of water. She points in the direction of the bathroom. "There's a pack of spare toothbrushes on the top shelf of the cabinet and you can take Kara's bed for the night." Alex smirks, waiting for Lena's reaction to the prospect of sleeping in Kara's bed.

 

She may be new to the whole 'gay' thing, but she isn't _blind_. Her Kryptonian sister, on the other hand, despite being able to see through _walls_ , is probably utterly _oblivious_ to the true scope of Lena's feelings towards her.

 

But Lena doesn't budge from where she's sitting. She frowns for a moment, then peers up at Alex with a sad, almost vacant, smile, half-dulled pain glimmering in her eyes. "I told her."

 

And _Rao_ , Alex finds herself understanding _exactly_ what Kara had meant the other day about being able to drown in the depths of those kryptonite-colored eyes. "Told who _what_?"

 

"My mother. I'm finally a Luthor- just like she wanted."

 

Alarm bells go off in the 'agent' part of Alex's brain, but she shakes herself free from those thoughts with a firm reminder that Lena had saved the _entire alien population_ of National City. "I've never been a vocal supporter of you, Lena," the older Danvers confesses, a rueful smile gracing her lips, "But you did the right thing. You switched out the particle, stopping a virus from decimating an entire population. How is that being a 'Luthor'? Your mother- and your brother- they _hurt_ people. You _saved_ them."

 

"Did I? Because I just sent the last member of my family who isn't dead or behind bars to _prison_." Lena blinks rapidly in an effort to keep the tears in her eyes from spilling down her cheeks, and Alex feels something in her chest tear at the sight of it. "It's our signature move, me and Lex, to hurt the people we love. But not her- not Lillian- because I know for a fact that she _doesn't_ love me. And I don't know why it still hurts so _much_ because I've known it since I was a _child_."

 

Alex finds herself at a loss for words for the second time that night- no upbeat comment, no witty rhetoric- nothing comes to mind. Lena Luthor is sitting on Kara's couch and pouring out her heart to the _wrong_ Danvers sister. "Lena..."

 

She sniffs, angrily swiping at her cheeks with the backs of her hands. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Thanks for the clothes." Lena stands, pajamas in hand, and rushes towards the bathroom, staying upright only through sheer force of will as the ground sways beneath her feet with every step.

 

Alex doesn't stop her.

 

As someone who knows exactly how _desperate_ a person has to be before they try to find some semblance of peace at the bottom of a _bottle_...

 

Alex doesn't know if she should even _try_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be posted soon and, seeing as this happened all happened on Wednesday night (after the coffee shop incident), Kara will be returning soon.
> 
> Did anyone catch my discreet reference to Cat Grant? ;) #yes #Kara has #a TYPE
> 
> Yes, it was very fun to write this scene from Alex's perspective over Lena's- because who doesn't love her sass?
> 
> Yes, being raised with Kara, Alex has picked up on certain aspects of her life on Krypton- including Rao.
> 
> Yes, Lena's Drunken Confessions™ give me life.
> 
> Leave a review, Adopt Lena Luthor 2k16.


	5. v. conversations long overdue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara returns for a long-overdue conversation with Alex...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao, guys, I really didn't expect people to get so butthurt about me tagging this story as a 'fix-it' fic... I mean, I did follow it up with 'kind of' and explain in a lengthy author's note my reasons for tagging this story as such. But 'people' were apparently expecting 'something positive.'
> 
> Look- I'm not Handy Manny. I have a different definition for 'fixing' things. And honestly... Given my track record for angsty feels... Who didn't see this coming?
> 
> But anyways...
> 
> Dedicated to Local_Asshole, whose reviews always make me laugh. Thanks for the giggles. ;)

Alex is just settling down for a quiet Thursday afternoon when an inter-dimensional rift opens up in her sister's apartment. _Again_.

 

Kara stumbles through, already bouncing as she rushes to her room change out of her costume, barely acknowledging Alex as she passes by the couch.

 

With a smirk tugging on the corners of her lips, Alex waits, silently counting down the seconds.

 

_Five... Four... Thr-_

 

There's the clear sound of something _breaking_ , likely crushed beneath Kara's grip and-

 

"Alex, why does my bed smell like _Lena_?" She runs back into the living room in a blur of speed, fingers clutching a piece of wood that Alex vaguely recognizes as Kara's closet door.

 

Alex's smirk blossoms into a full-blown grin as she watches Kara gingerly place the sad remains of the door in a tiny closet filled with similarly destroyed objects. "I was wondering how long it would take you to realize that."

 

Kara glowers, cheeks burning bright red. "Not _funny_ , Alex. What the _hell_ happened while I was gone?" 

 

Alex shrugs, nonchalantly peering at her nails. "I don't know- why don't you tell me? After all, I'm not the one who conveniently forgot to tell her sister that she was leaving for another Earth in person."

 

" _Alex_ -"

 

She plunges on, firmly ignoring her sister's feeble attempts to protest. "And that she has been meeting with a certain Luthor for coffee on a regular basis-"

 

Kara pales, cutting Alex off as she collapses onto the couch beside her. " _Rao_ \- Alex, how long have I been _gone_?"

 

"Well, it's Thursday night now, so... You do the math, nerd."

 

Kara keels over- _literally_ \- burying her face in the cushions of the couch. Her voice is muffled, but Alex has long-since grown used to understanding Kara through various layers of cloth and stuffing. "I missed coffee with Lena."

 

"You also missed the part where you _tell me_ about said coffee date before I end up having to herd a drunken, moping Luthor back to your apartment, but hey, that's life, right?"

 

Kara bolts upright, eyes wide. "Drunk? Alex, where exactly did you find her?"

 

"At that bar a few blocks down, trying her best to put away an entire bottle of scotch." Alex nods sagely at the look of shock slowly spreading over Kara's face, then continues, mild incredulity coloring her tone. "A very _expensive_ bottle of scotch."

 

"Because of me? Oh, Rao-"

 

"Calm down, Kara. Self-centered much? She wasn't there because of you." Kara shoots her a look of mild disbelief, and Alex amends herself with a sigh. "Okay, fine- she wasn't there _just_ because of you."

 

"What happened?"

 

"She went to visit her mom, Kara..." Alex raises her brow and levels a hard stare in her sister's direction and a strangled noise escapes Kara's throat. "What do you _think_ happened?"

 

Kara's face appears permanently stuck on an expression of horror as she quietly mouths, "Oh, _no_..."

 

"Look, Kara... I don't know what your relationship with her is- and I don't care either way."

 

"Alex, I'm not-" 

 

The older Danvers cuts her sister off with a raised hand. "Just let me finish, Kara." Alex sends a tight-lipped smile towards her sister. "Someone gave me some advice recently- that _we should kiss the girls that we want to kiss_. I don't know if that's how you feel about her, and frankly, I will love and support you either way- but all I'm saying is that you need to give yourself a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what you want with her. Otherwise you'll both end up hurt, and neither of you deserves that."

 

Kara's blue eyes glimmer with unshed tears, but Alex steels herself and presses on. "She's not my favorite person in the world, Kara, but she reminds me of myself. Back when I was in college, I was on a downward spiral. J'onn saved me from that. I don't think Lena has _anyone_ to save her if she gets hurt by whatever it is you guys are- or _aren't_ \- doing." She leans forward, pressing a kiss to the top of Kara's head, and stands. "I should be going home now- get some rest, okay? And think about what I've said."

 

Alex already has one foot out of the door when Kara remembers how to speak. Her voice is tiny- _frail_ \- and when Alex looks back, it's just in time to watch Kara wrap her arms around herself and squeeze so _tightly_ that the fingers wrapped around her shoulders whiten. "I don't know. I don't know what _I_ want- or what _she_ wants, even."

 

Alex shuts the door. _Finally_. She thought she'd actually have to _leave_ for a second there. Quietly, she begins to step back towards the living room, voice soft when she speaks. "Then what _do_ you know?"

 

"I know that I want to see her smile. I know that- that-" Kara sniffles, pressing her head against her knees in an effort to stop her shoulders from shaking, and something in Alex _twists_ at the sight, "I know that I want her to be happy. And I know that _seeing_ her happy makes _me_ happy and- and-"

 

Alex crosses the room with long, quick strides and catches Kara just as she begins to collapse, sobbing so hard that the entire couch _trembles_ beneath them. No more words pass between them- no more words are _needed_ \- as Alex tugs her sister into her embrace, tucks Kara's head beneath her cheek and just lets her _cry_ , echoing Kara's own actions from a few weeks ago.

 

Kara weeps, and Alex does the one thing that she can- the one thing that she has _always_ done since the Kryptonian girl was tossed onto her front porch- _abandoned_ \- by the cousin who claimed to love her.

 

Alex _stays_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit, I struggled while writing this chapter. Coming to terms with your sexuality is hard enough as a regular human being, let alone as a Kryptonian raised in a society where marriages are arranged and kids are made in birthing pods, who saves the world on a regular basis. Many hugs to my fellow LGBT+ gaybies.
> 
> Yes, my headcanon of Kara features a closet of broken things that she empties on a monthly basis because... Well, we all remember the alarm clock...
> 
> (And yeah, I'm still salty about Kal-El dropping Kara on the Danvers' doorstep like a hot potato.)
> 
> Leave a review, comfort a Kryptonian having sudden Gay Realizations™.


	6. vi. echoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic A Day Challenge #5.
> 
> Guys, I know that most of you lovely readers understand, but I've still gotta say it- for myself.
> 
> As much as I like the idea of love, it's not always gonna be the answer. Love is not the end-all, be-all cure for everything. I don't think it can even really 'cure' anything. Especially not when it's years of hurt and anguish. It can help, and it may heal, but it certainly can't erase all the shitty things that have happened to you that continue to define you as a person. That's why this story is written the way that it is- and that's why I appreciate all of you supporting me in this venture.
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to my real-life Ride or Die squad (ladies, you know who you are) ;)

It takes Lena a generous amount of scotch to work up the courage to finish watching the footage. She watches it in her office, after hours, alone in the building aside from the skeleton crew that works the night shift. But the upper floors of L-Corp are sealed, so no one will disturb her. Not tonight.

  

She watches Kara ask Mi- no, _Mon-El_ , to tell her sister- tell _Alex_ , the woman who was no longer just the federal agent who had saved Lena from an assassin, but the woman who had saved Lena from _herself_ at that bar- that she was unafraid.

 

She watches a hooded man pull the doors to Kara's cell open and finds the breath come unstuck in her chest.

 

He reveals his face and Kara's fierce expression _crumbles_ , a myriad of emotions flickering across her features- shock, awe, love, _hope_ - as she gapes at the man standing before her.

  
_Jeremiah_ , she breathes, eyes alight, before launching herself into his embrace, _I can't **believe** it._

 

She clings to him, desperate, as though she _never_ intends to let go, and Lena finds her throat tightening at the sight of it.

 

_I am so **proud** of who you've become._

 

Tears begin to leak from the corners of Kara's eyes as she listens to him speak, but it's not until she mentions Alex that it hits her- this man is Jeremiah _Danvers_ , Kara and Alex's _father_. Not biologically for the Kryptonian, no, but still _hers_ just the same.

 

He sacrifices his freedom for theirs- _again_ , Lena thinks, _again, even after fifteen years of captivity he still makes the same choices-_ and it stuns her, makes her heart skip a beat in her chest as she contemplates the selflessness that radiates from this man without _effort_.

 

  
_It is the same selflessness_ , she realizes, _that glows in Kara's ocean eyes whenever she dons the crest of the House of El, the same selflessness that Alex carries in the set of her jaw every time she willingly risks her life for everyone around her_.

 

The video ends, but Lena doesn't move. _Can't_ move. Something warm drips down onto her chest from the edge of her chin, and there's a taste of _salt_ on her lips, and she's _crying_ and she can't _stop_ -

 

Barely controlled sobs wrack her frame as she clenches her hands into fists, digging her nails deep into her palms as she cries. For Kara, for Alex, for Jeremiah- for the family that was torn apart by her _own_ -

 

She cries, reaching-

 

_for something to hold, something to touch, something to stop the feeling that her chest is about to **implode** upon itself_

 

-and finds herself drinking straight from a bottle of amber liquid with hands that she will never admit are _shaking_.

 

* * *

 

Hours pass- maybe even _days_ , Lena's not sure. All she knows is that the world still spins above her from her vantage point on the floor, staring up at the ceiling of her office with eyes too dry to shed any more tears.

 

Something- someone- lands on her balcony and slips through the door she leaves half-open out of habit, and she finds herself laughing softly at the sight of the crest of the House of El that suddenly replaces her view of the ceiling. "Y'know, that's still not an entrance," she chuckles, firmly ignoring the worry that shines in Kara's blue, _blue_ eyes-

 

She fumbles for the bottle that she _knows_ followed her to the floor, but it's pulled out of her grasp by stronger hands before she can take another drink. "I think that's enough," Supergirl remarks, her voice soft as she helps Lena to her feet.

 

Lena snorts, swaying, trying her best to focus on something _other_ than the feeling of the Kryptonian's hands on her waist and the steady warmth that seeps _right_ through her silk blouse to her skin at Kara's touch. "And you're probably right about that."

 

"Where's your driver? I can-"

 

Lena shrugs and shakes her head- and immediately regrets it when the world wobbles around her. "Gone. Home. Everyone is." She pulls herself away from Kara's grip to stumble over to her couch and collapse onto its cushions. Kara follows, and Lena suppresses another round of giggles at the sight of the blonde heroine playing nursemaid to a drunken, _feeble_ ~~broken~~  human. "I can catch a cab."

 

"At this hour? I'd rather make sure you get home personally." She doesn't elaborate- but then again, she doesn't have to. They both know what she's offering.

 

Lena's thoughts flash back to her first encounter with a caped Kara, to the conviction that laced her words.

 

_You're safe now._

 

"I'm afraid," Lena admits, and her voice sounds far too _weak_ -

 

"Of?" Kara's eyes are warm, brilliantly _warm_ , 

 

_(-yet it does little to chase away the chill that pierces her **bones**.)_

 

She smiles, but the expression is brittle. "Falling."

 

_(She doesn't mention that she's already fallen- for blonde hair and blue eyes and a smile that lights up the night sky-)_

 

Her tone carries the same conviction now. "I'd _never_ let you fall."

 

* * *

 

Lena's still terrified of flying, no matter who the pilot is, and the sheer amount of alcohol she's consumed doesn't help with the rising vertigo that makes her pulse stutter in her chest despite the fact that she knows that Kara will never drop her. Still, she clings to the other woman, buries her face against the crook of Kara's neck and shuts her eyes in an effort to pretend that she's _not_ hovering thousands of feet above the ground being cradled in the embrace of a superpowered alien being who smells like _raspberries_ and _cinnamon_ and-

 

"Lena? We're here." Kara lowers her feet first, keeping an arm loosely wrapped around her waist as Lena finds her balance again.

 

Lena nods, head still spinning, and steps towards the glass. Kara narrows her eyes at the door handle, and Lena waves her off. "It's unlocked. Always." _For you_ , she thinks, but she'll never say it aloud.

 

"That doesn't seem safe."

 

"We're hundreds of stories above the ground in a closed building, Supergirl. The only intruder who could get this high without being noticed is _you_." The blush that spreads across Kara's cheeks is visible even from her reflection in the sliding door. "Thanks for the ride."

 

Lena tugs it open with a soft _hiss_ , ready to step through, but Kara's voice breaks the silence before she can bring herself to move. "For what it's worth... I'm sorry if it seemed like I lost faith in you back at the docks."

 

She shrugs off the apology with a wry smile and a tilt of her head. "After how I treated you at my office, it's nothing I didn't expect."

 

But Kara continues to _insist_ , her tone indignant, "And that's _exactly_ the problem. You've never given me any reason to doubt you or your word, and I still- I just-"

 

"You couldn't take the chance, Supergirl. Especially not with my mother involved. I get that." Lena looks up to meet ocean eyes that _burn_ with a familiar fire.

 

"But-"

 

Lena steps forward, cutting her off with a sharp glance. "Look- we both have things to apologize for. You're not the only one at fault here, okay? And for what's it's worth, Supergirl... I'm sorry too."

 

Kara nods, her stiff shoulders finally relaxing at Lena's words. "Have a good night, Mi-" She amends herself with an apologetic smile. "Have a good night, _Lena_."

 

She smiles back, verdant eyes clear and _shining_ , and that's all the reply that Kara needs as she drinks in the sight of Lena grinning beneath the moonlight, looking more and more like the woman she'd begun to know before the Medusa virus.

 

Looking _happy_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I've gotta say is this- pay careful attention to chapter titles, folks. (The next chapter in particular.)
> 
> Yes, I totally did just reference Kara's realization from that last chapter... ;))))))
> 
> Yes, Kara totally smells like fruit and spices and sheer deliciousness.
> 
> Yes, Lena is #hella gay for Supergirl.
> 
> Leave a review, hug a drunken Lena Luthor.


	7. vii. retaliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SuperCorp Fic-A-Day Challenge #6.
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to frickin' Katie McGrath for being able to tear my heart out and crush it beneath her heel and still have me begging for more.
> 
> Also, since hindsight is 20/20... #i have #no regrets

They settle back into their tentative friendship with relative ease- at least, as Lena and  _Supergirl_. 

 

The next time she stops by the L-Corp building mid-flight, Lena waves, pointing towards the balcony door with mischief dancing in her eyes, and though she doesn't need to, Kara flies closer to stare at the newly rendered crest of the House of El that decorates the glass in frosted ivory print. "Now it's an entrance," Lena says, not bothering to raise her voice from behind the glass, knowing full well that Kara can hear her perfectly despite the barrier that lies between them.

 

Kara's cheeks _burn_ , and Lena bites her lip in a futile attempt to stifle her laughter as the Kryptonian's smile grows impossibly wide, eyes filled with childlike glee as she zooms away in a blur of red and blue.

 

It takes a well-deserved blow from Alex back at the DEO before Kara can regain sufficient control over her facial muscles to stop herself from grinning like a toddler on a sugar rush. "Cut it _out_ , Kara, I can't take you seriously when your face is stuck like that!" She chortles, elbowing Kara none-too-gently as she wipes away tears of laughter from the corners of her eyes at the sight of her sister's ecstatic expression.

 

Kara winces, theatrically toppling from her perch on the edge of Winn's desk when Alex's elbow makes contact with her ribs, and the sound of her crashing to the floor draws several stares from the junior agents as Vasquez _cackles_ across the room. 

 

"Kara, I know for a _fact_ that your skin is impervious to bullets- there's no way that actually hurt! I'm your _doctor_ , remember?" The older Danvers sister rolls her eyes at Kara's antics as the Kryptonian rolls on the floor, clutching her side in apparent agony.

 

"It hurt my pride, Alex- how could you _do_ that? I'm telling Eliza!" 

 

"Oh, that's a low blow!" Alex dives for the Kryptonian, who squeals and tries to dodge. "C'mere, you little twerp! I know where _all_ your tickle spots are!"

 

Winn barely scoots his chair out of the way as the Danvers sisters' impromptu wrestling match moves towards his desk. "Alex! No! Stop! U-UNCLE! _UNCLE_!"

 

Alex releases her sister with a victorious whoop as she bounces to her feet, grinning. On the other side of the room, Vasquez howls with laughter, bent over the desk of some poor rookie agent whose expression is nothing short of utterly _bewildered_.

 

J'onn shoots them a look of disapproval from the command center for all of the commotion when Kara recovers enough to stand, and twin pouts are immediately lobbied in his direction. (Though the Green Martian will _never_ admit it without being under _considerable_ duress, the corners of his lips begin to twitch upwards in the barest hint of a smile.)

 

* * *

 

As for  _Kara_ and Lena, Wednesday's at Noonan's grow into daily meetings supplemented by an indecent amount of sticky buns. 

 

Days pass, then weeks, and after countless conversations over cooling cups of coffee, Lena's finds it easier to smile and even easier to _breathe_ , the weight of the past few weeks beginning to evaporate under the warmth of Kara's constant presence. She stops spending her nights at the office, reaches for mocha lattes across the table from Kara instead of bottles of scotch alone at her desk, and finds her thoughts less and less focused on Lillian and Lex and more on _Kara_. 

 

Kara, who crinkles her nose and squeals at the mention of small animals and the latest viral cat videos that Lena has made a habit of gathering on her phone for Kara's perusal.

 

Kara, in constant motion, fueled by a seemingly endless source of energy that always keeps her bouncing and laughing and toying with her glasses in a way that never fails to make Lena's heart flutter in her chest.

 

Kara, whose inner light shines through no matter how hard she tries to hide it beneath cashmere sweater sets and lead-lined glasses and Lena can't believe she didn't connect the dots about her secret identity  _sooner_ because Kara always _glows_ , a burning beacon in the dark, and damn if Lena isn't _completely and utterly **screwed**_ because she's never felt _anything_ like this before in her _life_ -

 

Kara, whose gentle touch on her wrist pulls Lena back to reality, where she meets the Kryptonian's worried gaze with a soft smile. "Are you okay? You kind of zoned out there for a minute, well, _several_ minutes, actually, and-" Concern is etched across her beautifully expressive features, and Lena finds herself actively resisting the urge to reach out and smooth away the crease between her brows.

 

"I'm fine, Kara," she soothes, hoping that her body doesn't betray her lie because she most certainly _isn't_ \- she's _damaged_ and _fragile_ and _human_ and-

_Why would anyone like Kara ever choose someone like her?_

 

Lena's never really liked girls before- but then again, she's never really liked boys either. She's never liked anyone, to be frank. She's never _trusted_ anyone.

 

But this is _Kara_ \- sweet, kind, bold, _brave_ Kara- so how can she _not_?

 

* * *

 

Over-sized college t-shirt? _Check_. TARDIS pajama bottoms? _Check_. Takeout? _Check_. 

 

Kara buries her nose in the fabric of the gray shirt and just _breathes_ , taking in the scent of vanilla and jasmine and something indescribable that screams _Lena_ that lingers on the fabric even after a cycle through the washer-dryer combo she'd splurged on to be able to safely wash her superhero gear in the comfort of her own apartment.

 

She's just about to shove another potsticker into her mouth when the call arrives, and Alex's voice is nearly drowned out over the phone by the sound of sirens in the background. "Kara, you need to get to L-Corp. _Now_." Her tone is _grave_ , and Kara's in her suit and out the window in record time, phone abandoned on the couch, the call still active on the glowing screen.

 

Kara touches down in front of the building in seconds, eyes widening at the sight of a hysterical Jess being escorted towards an ambulance by a pair of paramedics, babbling. "They got in and out so fast! So fast! I tried to stop them, but they knocked me out and- and- oh, God! It's all my fault!"

 

Kara's heart stops _beating_  in her chest.

 

She searches the growing crowd for someone to _explain_  and finds herself clutching J'onn's shoulders, eyes wild, no longer Supergirl but _Kara_ , desperation contorting her features as she _stares_ , mouth agape, the words she longs to ask lost somewhere between her heart and her throat-

 

He looks at her- really _looks_ \- and the pieces come together in the Martian's mind as he takes in the sight of Kara's horror-struck expression. He cannot read her mind, but he doesn't have to- not when everything is already written so _clearly_ across her face. He breaks the news to her quietly-  _gently_ \- softening the blow as much as he can, all the while knowing that there's really no way to ease the pain that his next words will cause her. "There was a break-in. Lena Luthor's been kidnapped."

 

Kara releases him as suddenly as she had grabbed him, a cry of pure disbelief bursting from her lips. She stumbles back, one hand clasped over her mouth as her free arm wraps itself around her waist in a futile effort to keep herself from shattering in front of the cameras that gather behind the police barricade.

 

Her ears are _ringing_ , but J'onn- and Jess'- words continue to echo with painful clarity.

 

_There was a break-in._

_They got in and out so fast!_

_It's all my fault!_

 

Kara takes off as quickly as she came, ignoring the sounds of people calling for  _Supergirl_ from below- she's _not_ Supergirl, not _now_ , no, she's _Kara_ -

 

(Kara has been defined by many things in her life- her family name, her planet of origin, her powers.

 

_zor-El, Kryptonian, Supergirl- this is what they call her-_

 

She has never been given the chance to define _herself_.

 

Lena calls her _Kara_  with a smile on her lips, as though her name is something particularly _wonderful_ , savoring the syllables on her tongue-

 

_Danvers is an afterthought, and for once 'zor-El' does not define her, does not outweigh the rest of who she is, who she wants to be, who she **needs** to be-_

 

-and it feels like coming _home_.)

 

She soars higher and higher until everything is _quiet_ and _calm_ and her thoughts are the only thing that can touch her.

 

_Lena Luthor's been kidnapped._

 

The words tumble around her head, an _endless_ spin cycle of _pain_ that makes her screw her eyes _shut_ to keep her heat vision from leaking out as she finds that Jess' voice in her mind has been replaced-

 

_It's all my fault._

_It's all my fault._

**_It's all my fault._ **

 

-with her _own_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's my cue to retreat to the corner of shame now...
> 
> No, but really- did you guys think I would give this story a happy ending so quickly after promising a slow burn?
> 
> The chapter's not titled 'retaliation' for no reason lol ;p 
> 
> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Yeah, yeah, I'm crying too... *sniffles*
> 
> #apparently when i said slow burn
> 
> #i meant s l o w burn
> 
> *dies*
> 
> *rises to politely ask for your thoughts on this chapter*
> 
> Also... Who else appreciates Kara 'heart eyes' Danvers wearing the clothes that Lena borrowed for her impromptu stay at Kara's apartment? ;)
> 
> Leave a review, flay a sinner alive for her cruel plot twists... (If the likes of John Green and Rick Riordan can destroy our collective hearts, then so can I...)


	8. viii. (part one) revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one of Chapter Eight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic A Day Challenge #7.
> 
> I felt like there was just so much that was going on in this chapter that I chose to split it up into two segments, both of which will be considered part of the same chapter.
> 
> I'm still polishing it up, but the other half of this chapter will be released in a timely fashion.
> 
> But for now- enjoy.
> 
> This is dedicated to all of you lovely fans out there for leaving so many kind reviews. Keep it up.

"It-it's useless, Alex! I can't hear her! I can't hear _anything_!" Kara doesn't shout, but she comes _damn_ close.

 

Agents scurry past the sisters with their heads bowed, gazes firmly fixed on the floor so as to not attract the deadly glares Alex is currently leveling towards anyone who even _looked_ in the Kryptonian's direction as they make their way through the facility.

 

"Kara, calm down. They're probably holding her somewhere with soundproofing- it doesn't mean anything." Alex breaks into a light jog to catch up to her sister after handing away her tablet to a passing junior agent.

 

She forces out a breath through gritted teeth, hands fisted at her sides as she storms towards the training room. "Doesn't it? If whoever took her is prepared for my powers, how in Rao's name am I supposed to _find her_?" Kara's face crumples and her voice _breaks_ , eyes brimming with tears as she struggles to key in the code to open the door. 

 

Somewhere between Alex's ribs, something _burns_ at the sound.

 

The panel flashes red.

 

_Beep_. 

 

"You aren't doing this alone, Kara. We'll find her." Kara doesn't reply, jamming the buttons on the keypad again.

 

  
_Beep_.

 

Kara swipes at the tears spilling down her cheeks with her free hand as she renters the code.

 

  
_Beep_.

 

" _Aaaarghh_!" Sparks fly as the Kryptonian slams a fist through the wall-mounted console, sending chunks of plastic and bits of wire in all directions.

 

"Kara!" The Kryptonian pulls back her fist and drops to her knees, burying her face in her palms.

 

Her voice is muffled as she speaks through her fingers, shoulders hunched, her tone impossibly heavy. "Alex... I don't even know where to _begin_."

 

"Yeah, well it's a good thing you have me, isn't it?" She doesn't- she  _can't_ \- exactly sound upbeat, but she tries her best to project an aura of confidence. For Kara. "We know there's one person who might be able to tell us who did this." 

 

Kara clings to Alex's words like a lifeline, looking upwards with a glimmer of hope glinting in her tear-filled eyes. Then it hits her.

 

"Lillian," she breathes, realization dawning across her features.

 

She staggers to her feet, reaching for the hand that Alex automatically extends, instinct deeper than reflex, offering support the way she always has- and always _will_.

 

They fall into step beside each other with ease, moving in sync, uniquely attuned to one another. In every physical sense of the word, they are opposites- brown and blue, human and alien, night and day- but they are alike in almost every other way, two sides of the same coin. From the identical set of their jaws to the fierce determination that shines in their eyes, they are _twins_ \- two halves of the same whole pulled together across galaxies and planets and years of endless slumber. 

 

* * *

 

Lillian greets them as soon as they enter the confines of her cell, with a cruel twist of her mouth that can barely be called a smile. She sits on a chair placed against the back wall, hands folded expectantly, watching them as one might scrutinize a particularly perplexing puzzle.

 

"Ah, Kara... How lovely to see you. I forgot my manners last time around..." She regards the sisters with a predatory gleam in her eyes, her tone openly mocking. "How was your Thanksgiving dinner? Do you still set a place for Jeremiah? He'd be so _touched_ to know that."

 

A barrage of violent fantasies flicker through Alex's brain, each one bloodier than the last, but she works hard to maintain a neutral expression. Kara steps closer and Alex follows, silent, watching.

 

Kara blinks, seemingly unruffled, and speaks with a surprisingly even tone. "You know why we're here."

 

The Luthor matriarch scoffs, waving a hand as she shrugs with casual ease. "Of course- you need something," she gloats, a honeyed malevolence coating her words.

 

Kara tenses at this, a muscle ticking in her jaw. Lillian's smile grows wider at the sight of the Kryptonian so easily unnerved. "Information on my colleagues?"

 

Kara wavers, and Alex doesn't hesitate to step up to the plate."Your daughter's been kidnapped."

 

Shock flashes across Lillian's face, but the expression is fleeting. "And you think that I'm responsible?" She gestures around her with a raised brow. "I'm in the most secure prison in the world."

 

"We think you know where she is. Even if you weren't behind this, you know who would have done it. Where they would have taken her." Kara twitches, her hands opening and closing into fists at her sides. 

 

"Let's pretend for a moment that I even have the information you're looking for- why should I give it to you?" She smirks at Kara, and it's the same look in her eyes as the one she wore back at CADMUS and Kara stops _breathing_.

 

_What are you to my daughter?_

 

Kara's world is reduced to a single thought, a single memory- 

 

_Lena laughs across the table from her and the sound is heaven to Kara's ears, a smile stretching her perfect lips, amusement dancing in her eyes- bright green even in the dim light, the color of a grassy meadow on a spring day. Kara does nothing but stare, fingers itching to pick up a pencil and draw, to capture the very essence of **Lena** , sitting unguarded and open- from the curve of her mouth to the fall of her dark, glossy hair and all the slopes and planes of her body._

 

_I'm a **friend**._

Kara's expression hardens into a scowl as she advances on the other woman. "Tell me where she is." She says it slowly, the words rolling off of her tongue like thunder as her face grows stormy.

 

"No." She delivers her answer with an airy, mocking laugh, and something inside Kara _snaps_.

 

"Tell me where she is!" Kara roars, slamming her fist right into the concrete wall of the cell, the stone beneath pulverized by the strength of her blow.

 

"Never," Lillian hisses, "That alien-loving brat deserves whatever is coming her way."

 

Kara lifts Lillian up off of her chair by front of her jumpsuit, a wordless cry of indescribable rage echoing throughout the room as she pushes the other woman against the wall.

 

And again, Lillian laughs. "You would never hurt me. You can't. What would _Lena_ think of her alien plaything killing her defenseless, _human_ mother?"

 

"You are _not_ her mother. You lost that _honor_ a long time ago." Her voice is dangerously low, and there's a familiar heaviness that begins to build behind eyes as she speaks. 

 

Alex rushes forward, her sister's name already on the tip of her tongue. " _Kara!_ "

 

Lillian cackles with glee, unperturbed in spite of the fact that Kara's eyes are _glowing_. "Go on, Kryptonian! Prove me _right_  about you and your kind!"

 

Kara's eyes burn bright, almost white, then-

 

Alex reaches out, brushes her fingers against her sister's shoulder, and repeats herself softly, barely above a whisper. "Kara."

 

-at the sound of her name, she relaxes, the light fading from her eyes as she releases Lillian, letting the other woman's body fall to the floor where she collapses to her knees, still laughing.

 

Pure disgust is etched across Kara's face, but she raises her chin and sets her jaw with a strength and dignity that belies the anger that radiates from every cell of her being as she turns and walks _away_.

 

Alex watches her go, all the while longing to run after her sister and just _hold_ her. But she remains behind and trains her gaze on Lillian. The woman pushes herself to her feet and cocks her head with exaggerated confusion. "You aren't gonna go after your alien pet?"

 

Alex ignores the jibe. "You're right about my sister. She wouldn't hurt you. Even if she wasn't an alien, even if she didn't have powers- she's too good for that."

 

Lillian snorts. "And what, you aren't?"

 

"Believe it or not, I usually _am_. That's what Kara's taught me- that's what I've learned from being around someone as _good_ as her." Alex continues, proud and unyielding despite Lillian's obvious scorn, "Most of the time, I'm an agent of a secret branch of the government that is dedicated to protecting this world. My team and I do more to help this planet in a _day_ than you and your cronies will ever _dream_ of. That should tell you something about me. But that's not who I am today."

 

"No? And who are you?" Derision drips from her every word as she makes her way across the room to perch on the edge of her bed.

 

Alex follows, arms folded across her chest. "I'm her _family_. And I know that must not mean much to you, but for the rest of us? That means everything." 

 

Her dark eyes blaze with renewed vigor as she moves closer and closer to the still-smirking Luthor. "As for Lena? I don't know her that well, but I know that my sister cares about her. That makes her _my_ family too. And no one gets away with hurting my family."

 

She opens her mouth to speak, but Alex cuts her off with a vicious glare that has silenced far _worse_ than the likes of an entitled xenophobe with a superiority complex such as Lillian Luthor. "I'm not finished."

 

Lillian flicks her wrist dismissively. "By all means, Agent... Don't let me stop you."

 

Alex's voice is beyond _cold_ , the bitter chill and deadly stillness of winter's darkest day lingering on her every breath as she advances on her prey. "You're gonna tell me everything that you know about who could have possibly taken Lena."

 

"Or else _what_?"

 

Her smile is wolfish as she leans down, almost nose to nose with Lillian Luthor, teeth bared and eyes darkened. "Or I'm gonna enjoy what comes next."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all. 
> 
> Can we just appreciate Alex 'ride or die' Danvers for a second?
> 
> Alex will do absolutely anything for her sister. There are no boundaries she won't cross for Kara. We've seen this time and time again in the show- that epic takedown of Maxwell Lord in his own office, risking her life to save Kara from the Black Mercy, learning how to pilot an alien spacecraft on the motherfuckin' fly just to rescue her sister from outer freakin' space-
> 
> It's just... I love her for it.
> 
> Can we also appreciate BAMF!Kara for a second here? I mean, the aid of Red Kryptonite not withstanding, we all know she is exactly what Alex said she is- too good to hurt anyone, especially someone she grudgingly accepts has ties to another person *cough LENA *cough* that she loves. Yeah. Loves. 
> 
> I said it before, but I'll say it again:
> 
> This is not the end of chapter eight. We've got a lot more coming for Kara, Lena, and Alex. ;)
> 
> EDIT: Guys, remember when J'onn told Kara that facial recognition software wasn't gonna be fooled by glasses and a ponytail? Yeah, I took that and ran with it. If CADMUS has the resources to possess alien tech and other crazy stuff, they definitely have the tech to identify someone... Also, Lena telling Lillian about a reporter poking around- I thought Lillian would look into it, being the evil genius she is. 
> 
> Leave a review, marry Alex 'go on and fuck with my sister and see where that gets your ho ass' Danvers 2k16.


	9. viii. (part two) revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic A Day Challenge #9 
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to YsabelGranger, who left a beautiful review on the last update and brought to my attention that this fic is being read and (hopefully) enjoyed by non-native English speakers who have to work a little harder to not only read my horribly lengthy and confusing writing, but also might have difficulty expressing themselves in the comment section.
> 
> Imma tell you what I told them:
> 
> I think it's wonderful that you are making an effort to read and enjoy this fic, whatever your native language is. *HUGS*
> 
> Don't ever be ashamed or hesitant to leave me a review because you feel as though I might not understand it because I assure you, I will do my damndest to extend you the same courtesy you extend me and find a way to translate it. It's the least I can do for you putting up with my writing.
> 
> To all my non-native English speakers out there: I love you and I appreciate you and the efforts you put into learning this notoriously weird and wild language and its many, many loopholes. 
> 
> Please, if you want to leave me a review but can't find the words in English, just leave it in whatever language makes YOU comfortable. I'll find a way to read it. It's the least I can do for you wonderful people.
> 
> I love you. Je t'aime. Te amo. Ich liebe dich. Ti amo. Mahal kita. (These are likely a small fraction of the languages you guys speak, but they're the only ones I've picked up in my life thus far.)

They head back to the DEO in silence.

 

Kara flies low, holding Alex against her chest just as she did when they were children, her arms wrapped tightly around her sister's waist. Still, despite Kara's best efforts to stay close to the ground, Alex shivers from the cold.

 

It's funny- she used to think that it would be warm, flying. Closer to the sun and all that.

 

Her first rides with Kara had crushed that theory, but she hadn't minded. It was worth it, she thought, to feel the way the wind brushed against her cheeks like an old friend, heart pounding in her chest as Kara's laughter echoed through the clouds.

 

What was something as small as a chill in comparison to the sheer joy of flying?

 

Of seeing her sister's eyes brighten in the rosy glow of the sun?

 

Of the both of them, laughing, free in ways they never could hope to be on the ground?

 

Kara doesn't laugh, not now.

 

The sound of the wind roaring in her ears as Kara's cape flutters out behind them is the only thing she hears as they head for home base.

 

Something wet drips onto the back of Alex's neck as they soar, but it comes as no surprise to her that Kara is crying. Alex says nothing, not trusting her voice to keep from cracking should she risk speaking. She tightens her hands around Kara's instead, squeezing with every bit of strength that she has to offer. Alex know that Kara has no need to borrow strength from a human, not when she is capable of catching planes on her back unaided- but strength from her _sister_? Alex knows that the gesture is not lost upon the Kryptonian when she squeezes back, the clench of her fingers almost desperate but still so very _gentle_ in spite of her superior strength. 

 

It reminds Alex once again why Kara is _Kara_. A girl with the powers of a god living amongst mortals who remains sweet and kind and _loving_ in spite of all the pain that life has wrought upon the entirety of her existence. Her parents, her friends, her home planet- to know such _loss_ and survive... Alex marvels at the sheer _humanity_ her sister possesses- she is not even of this _world_ but it has become her most defining trait.

 

Alex, heart swelling to bursting inside her chest as Kara's arms tighten around her waist to become an _embrace_ more than just support to keep her aloft in the sky, loves her all the more for it.

 

* * *

 

Alex bursts into motion as soon as they arrive, her actions seamless and direct. Kara follows, trailing her sister without words, content to watch Alex flourish, entirelywithin her element, barking orders and making phone calls from the command center.

 

After a time, there's a lull in activity and the elder Danvers sister allows herself to relax, leaning against her desk with a quiet sigh.

 

Kara steps forward, voice low when she speaks. "Alex, back there..." She trails off, rubbing a hand over her eyes. "I almost hurt her."

 

"You didn't." She says it simply, shrugging, as though Kara had been making conversation about something as mundane as the weather or a questionable fashion choice.

 

"But I wanted to, Alex." She huffs out a sound that can barely pass as laugh. "I really, _really_ wanted to. If you hadn't been there-"

 

"I was." Her tone brooks _no_ room for argument, dark eyes wide and bright and utterly _resolute_ as she regards her sister. "I was there and I always will be. Never doubt that."

 

Someone coughs, and the sisters turn, in unison, to face the assembly of senior agents gathered behind them.

 

Alex's mouth narrows into a grim line as she leads them to a set of screens. "Alright- let's get right down to it. Lillian said that any number of people could have taken her, but certain groups of radical CADMUS members are the likeliest. They broke off from the main faction because they were deemed too extreme."

 

"Too extreme? For CADMUS?" One of the agents curls her lip in disgust. "Didn't think that was possible." 

 

Kara looks away from the monitors, paling, and Vasquez seizes the opportunity to elbow the woman and glare.

 

Alex clears her throat and continues. "She said they were fanatical- and seeing Lena befriend a Super while betraying her mo-" Raw anger spreads across Kara's face, and Alex amends herself without skipping a beat, "-Lillian, could have made them decide they needed to get some form of revenge on her. Out of all the possible sites these splinter groups could have taken her, there's only a handful that are equipped with the means to hide Lena from Supergirl's senses."

 

Vasquez steps forward, a deadly gleam in her eyes. "How long until we have the manpower to hit them?"

 

Alex grimaces, eyes flickering towards her sister when she speaks. "It'll take at least another few hours to mobilize enough strike teams to coordinate a simultaneous attack on all the locations."

 

"I can't wait that long."

 

"Kara-"

 

"No, Alex- I'm sorry, but I _can't_."

 

The other agents suddenly find themselves busy reviewing the intel displayed on the screens or hurry away with Vasquez, muttering half-hearted excuses about going to the armory.

 

Alex rounds on her sister, a volatile mixture of concern and anger flashing in her dark eyes. "You don't know what you're going up against! If they were prepared to hide her from you, they could be prepared for your powers!"

 

"That's a risk I'll have to take. We don't know what they're doing to her in there, and Lena's not going to pay for my mistakes." Kara steps forward, crossing her arms in front of her chest, subconsciously mirroring her sister's stance. "It was my friendship with her that did this. _Me_. So give me the list."

 

"Kara-"

 

"Alex. _Please_. Give me the list."

 

For several moments, the sisters face off, their expressions unreadable to everyone around them as words become unnecessary, the bond between them negating any need for speech.

 

Alex breaks the connection first, looking away and relenting with a long-suffering sigh as she passes a sheet of paper to her sister, circling several of the listed locations in pen. "I can't be sure of anything, but these are the ones I think you should go to first."

 

Relief flashes across Kara's face as she scans the list. "Thank you."

 

She shakes her head in response, eyes roving over Kara's face as though committing every last detail to memory. "You'll be careful?"

 

"Always."

 

The Kryptonian is nearly across the room when Alex finds her voice again. 

 

"Kara?" She sounds high and breathy and not at all  _herself_ , but worry wraps cold fingers around her throat and _squeezes_ , laughing all the while.

 

She turns, eyes softening as they land on Alex. "Yeah?"

 

"I love you."

 

Several agents peer up from their desks to watch the exchange, all of them trying very hard not to catch Alex's attention as they do so.

 

"I love you too." Kara smiles before turning away and continuing towards the exit.

 

Alex watches her leave, expression troubled as she turns back to the screens, hands clenching into fists at her sides.

 

Try as she might, she can't ignore the sinking feeling in her chest that something is about to go terribly, terribly _wrong_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's take a moment (read: several billion motherfrickin' y e a r s) to collectively weep over Kara zor-El Danvers, our favorite bisexual alien emoji who manages to stay so positive despite the extremely shitty hand that life has dealt her.
> 
> And yes, had Alex not been there to stop her... Kara would have popped off on Lillian. 
> 
> Let's get that straight, shall we?
> 
> She's not infallible- she's governed by her emotions just as much as the rest of us, and that's both her greatest source of strength and her biggest vulnerability.
> 
> ALSO-
> 
> Alex Danvers is THE head bitch in charge. (Sorry, Narcissa...)
> 
> And so is Susan Vasquez.
> 
> *throws Agent Vasquez plushies into a screaming crowd*
> 
> Leave a review, hug a plushie.
> 
> Also, if you guys are wondering why I didn't update yesterday, it's because I chose to publish a fluffy SuperCorp oneshot for Fic A Day #8 and you can't find it here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8787796
> 
> I wanted to give you guys a break from all this angst, lol ;P


End file.
